![\"A](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.boatingmag.com\/uploads\/2024\/10\/BTG10124-OMD-Voting-1024x768.jpg?resize=800%2C600&ssl=1\")
<\/div>\n Tim Bower<\/span><\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/section>\n
When my good friend Chuck Larson strode through the door of the Lake View Inn wearing a blue blazer with brass buttons and a white captain\u2019s hat with gold braid, we all pretended not to notice his obvious ploy for attention. Chuck removed his hat and tucked it under his arm like a military officer, walked to the bar, and claimed a stool. After a few minutes, it was bartender Wally who broke the ice.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, if it isn\u2019t Thurston Howell the Third! Welcome to the Lake View,\u201d Wally chirped. \u201cWhat can I get you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVery funny,\u201d Chuck replied. \u201cFor your information, I\u2019m prototyping an outfit for my pending appointment to the incoming administration.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOk, Tommy Topsider, we\u2019ll bite,\u201d Wally said. \u201cYour appointment as\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are looking at the new Secretary of Boating,\u201d Chuck said. \u201cI\u2019ve been in contact with the transition team, and pending an FBI background check, there\u00a0will be an official announcement. It\u2019s a new Cabinet position, so my appointment will\u00a0be subject to Senate confirmation, but I don\u2019t anticipate any opposition. The skids have been thoroughly greased.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf any of you followed the game like I do, you\u2019d know that cash is the Yamalube of politics, and I covered my bases by contributing to both campaigns. It\u2019s called bundling. I rounded up cash from movers and shakers, and made generous donations. Five hundred dollars to each side, with the understanding that I\u2019d top the list for the Secretary of Boating position.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wally threw down a coaster and set a Spotted Cow onto the blue Formica bar in front of Chuck.<\/p>\n
\u201cI do follow politics, and I happen to know that $500 is chicken scratch for a presidential campaign,\u201d Wally said. \u201cAnd I don\u2019t think the administration can just create a new Cabinet position. Congress needs to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s in the works,\u201d Chuck said. \u201cBoth of our senators are on board. On board<\/em>\u2014get it?<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be promoting recreational boating throughout the government, acting as a liaison to other agencies that touch boating, from the US Coast Guard to the EPA to the fisheries folks. There are 14.5 million boat owners in the US who spend $49.3\u00a0billion on boats, marine products and services annually. We boat and we vote! That was my pitch to the transition team.\u201d<\/p>\n If Chuck was joking about this, I thought he was keeping a remarkably straight face.<\/p>\n Read Next:<\/strong> Is There Such a Thing as a Bad Day of Boating?<\/a><\/p>\n \u201cLet me share a few of my agenda ideas,\u201d Chuck continued as he picked a bit of lint off his blazer sleeve. \u201cWe\u2019ll eliminate the EPA ethanol mandate so that we boaters don\u2019t have to deal with fuel that loves water. I\u2019ll encourage FEMA to develop a program to fully compensate boat owners when a vessel is damaged or lost in a hurricane, just as it helps out homeowners. I\u2019ll work with the Coast Guard on a nationwide standard for wakeboat operation, and we\u2019ll rescind the ridiculous personal watercraft speed limit. I\u2019m going to work with Bennington to design a presidential pontoon\u2014Pontoon One when the boss is aboard\u2014in the same color scheme as Air Force One. And finally, I\u2019ll propose that the portrait of Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill is replaced by our favorite immigrant from Norway, Ole Evinrude.\u201d<\/p>\n Whether Chuck is pulling our leg, or someone is pulling his, remains to be seen. I guess we\u2019ll find out on January 20. In his white hat, the Secretary of Boating should be easy to spot on the inaugural rostrum. The skids, after all, have been greased.<\/p>\n The post The First Secretary of Boating<\/a> appeared first on Boating Mag<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n